Humour Archive #3

If IBM made toasters .. Marketing would never agree on what customers really wanted in a toaster so millions of dollars would be spent in development and the toaster would be several years late. In the end, they would have one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.

If Microsoft made toasters.. Everytime you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it. Toaster '95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, claim to be the first toaster to that lets you claim how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toaster, but would buy them anyway since most of the good bread only works in their toasters.

If Apple made toasters.. It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does only five years earlier. The toast would make a little smiley face at you when it popped up, or else it would get stuck and there would be a little picture of a bomb burned into it, If they break these toaster would require a special set of Mac toaster tools to even open up. Worldwide market share would be 5, but all the bread in school would be exclusively toasted on the Mac toaster.

Does Wang still make toasters? They made good toasters in the 70's didn't they?

If Hewlett-Packard made toasters.. They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you back bread.

If Dick Smith made toasters.. The staff would be able to sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. You would be able to buy all the parts to build your own toasters, but non would come in the basic toaster package and price.

If the Franklin Mint made toasters.. Every month, you would receive another hand crafted piece of authentic Civil War Toast.

If the NSA made toasters.. Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could access in case they needed to look at your toast for Nation Security reasons.